lol it has been a really long time since i've posted but i just wanted to say helllllllo. in case anyone still reads this stuff. come hang out with me on facebook and we'll talk much more. i promise.
besos!!! jc

it is almost 3am.  it just took me nearly 3 hours to go through 10,000 emails. yes that's right 10,000 emails.  bc i 'thought' tcnj had disconnected my account when i left and then re-connected now that i'm coming back. wrong!!! 10,000 emails later, only about 15 of them were worth reading.  LOL

oh and why the fuck am i still awake?????

because i just voluntarily choose to eat sushi for lunch. i went to whole foods and had some yummy chicken tiki masala in my hand and put it back for california rolls....something very weird is going on folks.

* Chicago with my man
* surgery next Tuesday
* starting Starbucks on the 13th
* FAFSA--who just got approved for 18,500 in loans? oh, yes, that's right, i did
* NJCLASS because those sassy bastards approved me for another 9,000 in loans
* only spending $51 at shoprite but coming home with enough stuff to make meals for over a week
* soy lattes
* www.withourhands.etsy.com
* my grandpa
*planning the cross country trip of summer 2007.  who needs green tortoise when you've got blue saturn and a tent !!!


i loathe...
* my current employment
* bills
* the third sinus infection in four months
* the not so fabulous sex drive
*the tooth ache i'm pretending isn't there


I'm scared about...
* money
* going back to grad school
* writing and "creating"
* juda not letting me redo my ind study and then having to get straight A's in the other 4 classes in order to graduate

I'm anxious about...
* getting everything done here when i'm off somewhere else mentally
* juggling starbucks, the ind. study with juda (crosses fingers) and work without work knowing about the other two
* finishing the ma, starting and finishing the mat and still having a life of my own where i'm not dependant on my folks
* commuting and not getting sucked into moving...i wish my lease started and ending in the summer months so that if i wanted to move i wouldnt be doing it in busiest time of the semester.

I'm pleasantly surprised about...
* seeing my mom and gma tonight
* being so excited to go back to tcnj

i used to be so...so...amazing. not in the "oh look at me i rule" kinda way but more in the "i'm quietly taking notice of all around me and conclude that i'm in an awesome situation presently" kinda way.  like feeling myself doing great things and going places. and now i'm just this blob (physically and mentally) and i watch too much tv and i spend too much money and i'm too consummed by the stupid shit and the idiotic shit. like i used to have potential. and now what? i have a semi-cool apt. i've spent all this money and it isn't even a "cool" apt, its just ight. its a few steps above yuppidom.  i think i want to move back down to trenton in april but i don't know how that would work.  (nina, ideas??) and what if i suck at grad school again? and ohmigawd i feel dumb as a motherfucking brick lately and can't figure out why that is. sigh sigh sigh.   what the fuck am i doing with my life?????  i was going to have amazing adventures and do crazy things and now i'm going to be a substitute teacher and live in my crappy apt and wish that i was elsewhere. my head is ponding and all i want is a venti black iced tea with lemons from starbucks. like in the worst possible way. and a smoke. speaking of which, i think im going to stop smoking up bc it doesnt lead to anything productive. oh and tomorrow i get to have a meeting at 9:30am where everyone will forget everything that has happened by 11. augh!

first, i think that i'm getting dumber just being here bc so many ppl are so stupid. second, i want more time off. third, i was already saying on saturday afternoon that i'm dreading work on monday. fourth, my goals and objectives are constantly changing and then changing back so i never really "accomplish" anything bc i'm always in flux btw the 17 million different things that i'm being told to do. fifth, i was to be doing a small component of develpoment work and mostly public affairs and yet all i seem to do is worry about fundraising and global partners (not on my JD), marketing (not on my JD) and the website (not on my JD). and sixth, i can't make a single decision for myself. i was told that i would have total control over the public affairs planning and it turns out i have absolutely none. i can't agree to anything, sign anything, aprove anything without the entire fucking organizations' consent.  i am so fucking fed up that i just want to quit now. god, why can't i just live with chris??????

it is like because i know i'll be leaving, i don't give a crap. i have a 5 o'clock deadline that i'm not even close to completeing and i'm just goofing around online allllll freaking day. when i'm out to lunch, i go to fucking france. LOL

so i have an interview friday at noon (lunch hour!) at the starbucks in montclair near the whole foods. hopefully they will love me and hire me to start Monday Sept. 11th.  Whoa, erie date...Sept. 12th?

Anyway, I unfortunately needed to reschedule my surgery bc my doc is anything but McDreamy and is a freaking tool.  So now its Monday Sept. 5th, throwing a big ol' wrench into my plans for starting at Starbucks, hence the later date than I originally wanted.

Tonight I must do the dreaded FAFSA and talk with my mom about money and work and negotiation stuff bc lord knows I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.  And I must start crafting for Etsy. www.withourhands.etsy.com

Ok, I'm off to do something here and day dream about subbing and lattes and term papers, oh my!  Dude I am far too excited to be going back to school and being poor again.  Everyone send a little message to the gods and goddesses that my loving pimp, Sallie Mae, will give me a buttload of money in loans so that I don't have to worry as much.  That, and that undergraduate art classes count towards my enrollment. 

Hey does anyone know why when you change your icon its retroactive?

i'm such a fucking idiot. i failed a course when i left grad school and i just thought, "oh it'll stay an "I" forever." WRONG!!! i fucking failed it. so i went from a 3.33 to a 2.775 cum GPA. talk about wasting an entire year. now i don't even know if I would be let back in the the program and if i was i would have to get straight As in the other 15 credits to graduate the program. why the fuck did i do that to myself????? dammit dammit dammit dammit.

yeah i scheduled my surgery this morning! i'm going to chicago august 24th (night flight) to august 27th and then to work on the 28th and then surgery the 29th. i'm going to take the week off and hopefully read up for the praxis test and make some stuff to post to etsy. oh, check out the first posting at www.withourhands.etsy.com. i have others ready to sell but no pics yet. meg is supposed to help me with that soon. and i'm still waiting on paypal to get hooked up. ok kids, off to do some work

www.withourhands.etsy.com

www.myspace.com/missgogh